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NightJustice
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Name: Amy
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, United States
Birthday: 4/29/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: Many things...what did you have in mind?
let's see...well there's: God before all things, my religion, talking about religion, Saye and Thera, all kinds of love (friends, family, relationships, and further....), all kinds of music except polka--sorry i just can't stand it, Green Day, Flogging Molly, Simple Plan, mostly punk, The Bismark, 1814, movies, The Hunt for the Red October, The Ocean's movies, Farienhiet 9/11--see what happens when you tell the truth? i mean yeah it was biasised but it was true, writting various works, my book, my story (a long series of books), my vengence book, my mind, my thoughts, my words, AP Euro, Debate, my plan to fix all the worlds problems (without the use of nuclear weapons--then again sneezing leads to nuclear war so idk), Tennis, Youth in Government, politics (as hard as it is to believe), my CONA family, my family of friends, my little Saturn Ion (i love my little car!), diplomacy, rights for all, and its going to cut me short or i would write mor
Expertise: Once again...many things...and also once again....what did you have in mind?
um well...i can go wherever your imagination wants me too....but i prefer not to say all my experitises out loud...
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/7/2005
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| there's so many things to complain about....i like complaining online...because it's really ranting......and then you're done and move on with life.....
anyway.....
i hate spanish
i hate language....
i used to like writting
a lot
but i always hated shakespeare
we have a video project...
my group is a bunch of idiots
with no creative talent...
i've wanted to strangle them so many times
they dont listen
no one listens to me
what the hell?
why does no one listen to me?
i don't exactly rant like this in person
this is just me ranting because i can
and i really don't care what some pompus brat from the inner city that sells his own body thinks of that....
grueohjlkjjfkdhdioafhiohiohiofdiohiodwfhiahioasdfjkl
cant say much about adam
mostly because he's sitting next to me
....
idiot girl how do you get yourself into these situation
....
stop.
either way....he and tamera are dating now and are probably going to get married one day and that's the end of that.....
josh messaged me....a week ago...still yet to respond...not because i don't want to either....though there's just so much to tell him
i haven't accomplished one thing in life....just a bunch of useless things.....
i am useless i guess
yep
no way round that
ah well....
useless people should go ahead and die so the useful ones don't feel like numbers
yes
i said it
so what's it to you?
still haven't emailed bryan....i suck as a friend
i'm slightly angry at the world at the moment......if you couldn't tell...
and if you couldn't tell.....you are not on my happy list either......
you suck world
you really suck
because you drain all the fun out of living....
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| i am so glad that no one remembers that i have a xanga....so glad... that's why this is my place to rant...dark thoughts....any thoughts...mostly what frustrates me...it is one side of me....but one no one knows or everyone has forgotten... | | |
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| | |
| ahhh
i'm in love
i'm in love with a man
who is a boy
who i love deeply is it possible to love someone
very strongly
and be committed
as if married
yet watch them live
yet watch them love
yet watch them leave
and still love them
and still feel loved
and still know the happiness in loving someone
is that what is meant for this one little childish fool
that looks to the stars
with hoping eyes
to only one she is truly allowed to love
unconditionally
and knows that he loves her
unconditionally
because he's just that great? (ie that was Jesus in that last part) | | |
| wow...
it's been a while....
i really look back at life right about now and realize something....
i really wish that one time in study hall...
when i was talking with stacy...
than she hadn't said that if my life was a tv series she'd watch it....all but religiously....
and i wish people wouldn't have agreed with that statement...
i can't watch grey's for the reason it's so fake...
so i managed to screw up my life even more if you think that it was possible...
since last time....
went through that whole thing about sleeping about a half hour a day....for about a month.....if you want to screw yourself over royally, do so.....because in doing so i think i've forever changed my ability to comprehend, my stamina, my balance......and of course lets not forget this eating disorder.....i took a friends advice and ate salty foods to keep me awake....didnt drink enough water.....next thing i know i'm eating to the point of being sick after every meal....since then i lost the weight i gained...kinda got it under control...my docter didn't really do much so it's basically been one of those things you conquer specifically by faith....other health issues would include me starting on birth control, and having a problem of taking it regularly along with my antibiotic....which basically has been screwing with my brain.....been off/on sick again....got pneumonia a few times there.....need to start carrying that inhaler so that doesn't happen.........dealing with a hell-load of anxiety....fell down...a lot.....i have a lump on my left leg from october.....i think i may have done something serious to my right ankle....maybe within the year i might see a doctor....as far as the disorder that appears to have disappeared i may join OA or something...i have a friend who wants to join...and it might do me some good....who knows....
my goal is to eat three meals a day without skipping....it's been an issue since i'm not one to remember to eat all the time....also to eat sensibly....would help if i knew where a grocery store is (JOSHUA!!!)....maybe walk more places....just hoping...now that mother is out of the picture...kinda hoping to sleep about 8 hours a day....working on the time management thing....thing about that though...you can't really plan for the unexpected problem called life....or showers.....because it's a difference of taking a good twenty minute shower.....or a in/out five minute one.....it's a whole fifteen minutes gone....but worth it...but still gone....same with my roommate.....she's awesome and i love her but i really just like to do more with her.....i've been a bit mood-swingy as of late....bare with me....i should learn to scedule at least five minutes a day for me time....reflection, prayer, whathaveyou...but amy time....and stop this thing called procrastination.....like what i'm doing....right now.....at this very moment....
so i went to college....
kinda haven't kept in touch like i prolly should have....
it kinda hit me in the face within the first 36 hours of returning from christmas break...
little bro went back on the happy list after i forgave him....it happens...
then he moved....to arizona....
he's been under mom-watch....consistently....it's hurt a bunch of his friends back home...
stacy in particular....a good happy-go-lucky friend that wants to kill herself......i don't blame the feeling...because drew's mom is kinda like mine....only with more money and a distance need to work....but i really kinda wish she didn't feel that way....
aaron is alone...i know he is because of that hug he gave me.....it disheartens me to know he's alone....
spensors in the middle of everything....
mother lost her job....
dad switched to a new one...
kinda funny cause at one point they were both out of work...
mom has a part time one now...it's temporary...
i have one...that i'm becoming not a fan of....dang dish room....it's franks....it's a job....
peter also wanted to kill himself...almost convinced me he did....rather just got drunk and forgetful...funny reason though.....all over his girlfriend....who messed with hiim like he messed with me...and she has my name to top it off with a cherry....
couple new friends have been having problems...
ranges from adultry to all forms of love to faith to academics to life in general...
so college was what i expected...a bit more....and not what i expected at all....
i found some fellow christians........wasn't really aware they existed so much....kinda just thought it was a dream of mine.....and then one day i found one....and then found about a hundred more.......needless it was a bit overwelming...i'm getting used to it......i can share my beliefs openly now....i've learned a lot...more or less confirmed what i already knew....i've actually started reading my bible.....figured i should prolly know what it says....it's pretty consistant with what i've always believed....i've started praying more....like actually praying verses just talking with god....i suppose it's good...but technically talking with could be considered the same thing.....i pray before meals and sleeping usually....i've come to ask people if i can pray about them....prolly would with or without there permission...but it's a courtesy thing....it's kinda nice though, when you have it....people have asked me if they could pray for me....i thought it was awkward.....as if i had a say.....anyway.....it's one of the things i had to get used to......like terminology.....like "accepting christ" and "relationship with God" and "quiet times" which i need to work on and all those fun little things that everyone seems to know except me....went through this thing of finding a campus ministry...but that's a day's worth of typing in itself....namely the one i'm with now is Intervarsity....and now i'm in something called Christians in Business...both good....but again...stories in themselves....i'm hoping justin from yig might come out to see it sometime....he and heather are prolly notably the first christians i've met...needless, amy's just trying to focus more on God....because he's all that really matters....
i met a bunch of people....notably kallie, my discipler who's helping me to grow.....and adam and josh....who i've spent waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy to much time talking to....covered everything from word twisting, to bible verses, to love, to demonic possesion, to every possible faith topic you could imagine....
i had this thing about going to college and making friends and being completely open about who i was with them...so if i wasn't friends with them it wouldn't be because of me not taking the inticiative to become so....oh what a bad idea...had a number of those...
i've been stuggling with learning to live and let things live....and letting go of things....see i wanted to love openly......and i've always just kinda loved at a distance....it worked for me.....not really but you get the idea....apparently i love wrong....my love for people is what i would think feels mostly reactionary.....agape, the type of love we're supposed to have according to the bible, is a commanded love....not reactionary.....which poses the problem of how i love wrong...i need to settle my relationship deliemas....i cant' talk with most people these days...i'm beginning to wonder if there's supposed to be someone in my life that isn't....almost like there's something not quite right....kinda missing.....it's not God.....because God's right here.....it's something else....
at some point i should study because i have a midterm in two days....need to work on getting A's to boost my GPA.....i'm actually attempting to learn spanish now....though it's a pretty though curve....kinda trying to understand math and for the most part succeeding...yay! i still have one thing i'm maybe sorta good at! take that ap calc!....and then there's geology which i'm hoping to enjoy while getting a good grade...need to focus on that more....
though i guess my biggest issue right now is love....
i fell in love...that over-time-wake-up-one-morning-and-realize-it love.....so unfortunately it's the real kind.....again....i say unfortunately because once again it's someone i shouldn't love...
so i met him....and figured i'd never see him again....i guess that's why ignored the flashing neon sign that said DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH THIS PERSON!!!! IT WILL TURN OUT BADLY!!!!!!!.....i hate it when i'm right like that.... though i think i may just have to continue this another day......because i have class in the morning... | | |
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